Friday, 20th May, 2022 – 17.30
It’s been a long time I put pen to paper and it so happens that a quick thought to share a few notes on my relationship with the Quran on my instagram account turned into blog worthy material. So, here is to killing two birds with one stone! 😀
For some reason, I just felt a pulsing need to share this. As a child, I grew up in a bi-religious home; my dad Muslim and my mum was Christian. Of course, I gravitated towards my mum’s religion as most kids would. Also, because she was practicing and that’s what I saw.
One fateful day (I believe I was aged 10/11) , my dad wakes up and decides to take us to Ile – kewu (the yoruba word for Madrasah( arabic for school). The abruptness and the manner it was done didn’t start off my relationship with the Quran on a good note. I attended Madrasah for a year+ or so, finished recitation of the Quran and even did Walimah (graduation) 😂😂. ; which to be honest was a bit of a sham.
I remember attending Madrasah just for the sake of it. I would go there half-heartedly. Yes, I got the concept but my heart wasn’t in it . The teaching style and some other nuances didn’t help as well. There was no focus on tajwid nor tafsir which are the proper pronunciation of the arabic letters and interpretation of the verses respectively. Apparently, I was to do this after my graduation but I never went back 🤦🏽♀️)
So basically the Quran was something I knew how to read (to a large extent) but I had no connection to it. After my graduation, as the subtly stubborn teen that I was, I left the Quran for a long time. Astaghfirullah.
Fast forward a few years, at this point I had started to learn about Islam for myself and naturally, I picked up the Quran again but that long break definitely affected the little I even thought I knew. Long story short, my recitation was crappy! It was so bad, I could almost swear I had forgotten my letters!
Even though I was learning more of my Deen on my own accord, my relationship with the Quran was quite strained. I went through the phase of only reading the transliteration, not moving beyond juz Amma (the last thirty verses, often the easiest for most people), not wanting to pick up the Quran to read because it was a big struggle and a bit of shame came with it that fact.
I remember not wanting to attend Arabic classes in University as I was shy that people will know I couldn’t read the Quran properly and I desperately wanted to save myself from any feeling of embarrassment. I also remember not wanting to read the Quran out loud because of my stumbling (sigh), if only I knew better. If only I knew how merciful my Lord is, if only I knew He has promised to reward me even more for my strive.
Anyway, fast forward to 2017 when I decided to take the bull by the horn and face my fear of reading the Quran. It’s been almost 5 years of on and off but I have come to a place where I can finally say I have a good hang of my recitation. Alhamdulilah!
Today while reciting the Quran, I was filled with so much gratitude for how far I have come. It’s changed a lot of things for me! Whilst I used to approach the Quran grudgingly previously, now I have a happy disposition towards it. Learning how to read the Quran gave me a natural push towards wanting to understand what I was reading (tafsir) and I am coming around to doing more reflection and deliberation on it words( tadabbur ) Subhanallah!
I know some people will say well, it’s not ‘just’ about reading the Quran but understanding the meaning. In my own opinion, knowing how to read the Quran properly makes it easier to want to do more with the message of Allah and that fact should not be discounted. Plus, why settle for an either/or situation when you can have an ‘AND’ situation.
I honestly cannot explain the confidence that being able to read the Quran has given me but it’s a big deal for me. There is just something powerful and comforting about it for me.
Disclaimer, just incase you think I am now a stellar reciter. I am not, in fact a far cry away from it! I am definitely not where I want to be.
Do I make mistakes? Yes!
Do I still sound like a croaked frog most of the time? Yes.
Do I still have a fear of reciting out loud ? Most definitely.
Will I ever recite in a melodious voice? I don’t know but I will keep striving.
Why?
Because the Quran is the book filled with words from my Rabb. I want to approach it with love and not fear nor shame. I want to recite its words with joy and tranquility in my heart. I want to handle its words with care, so I will keep trying. I want how I approach the Quran be one of the ways that I show my love for Allah. I want to read it to the best of my ability, because my lord is excellent and he loves excellence.
I am excited for my evolving journey with the Quran, and it’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. Coming from where I used to be, I am honestly so grateful.
I know not everyone will get this and I don’t even know why I am sharing this, but If you are reading this and you can relate to what I am saying, I challenge you to do something different. If you know you do not like your current relationship with the Quran and you struggle with reading it. I encourage you to go for it; work on any mindset blocks you have about it, sign up to available classes around you, you would never regret it!
Ditch the narrative that you can only learn physically, join virtual classes! They are just as good. Your mind and soul will honestly thank you for it!
May Allah keep my intentions and yours pure and grant us guidance to act upon them. Ameen.